You Lie

I'm going to just cut to the chase: I was arguably the most excited about visiting Charleston and so far it's been the biggest disappointment of the trip.

Feeling slightly more rested than the day before, we left Savannah yesterday morning around 10am to drive the two hours to South Carolina. When we pulled into Charleston we did get to stop at a nice farmers market, eat some $1.30 peaches and buy some souvenirs. Then I took Adam on a tortuous stroll down the main shopping street as I was under the impression that Charleston had excellent shopping but I may have missed it. My knee was not happy about it.

Feeling evermore sleepy, we drove to the Old Slave Mart in the city down a cobblestone street where the stones were originally from 17th Century England. Adam visited the Old Slave Mart Museum while I dozed in the car. This is where they actually sold slaves in the city of Charleston up until 1863.

Then, feeling tired and unmotivated but still wanting to absorb some more of the city's history, I spotted this horse and carriage passing in front of our car and I turned to Adam: "Hey! Let's go for a horse and carriage ride!" I'm going to ruin the suspense for you: I lose a point for this suggestion.

We drive into the parking lot of the carriage company and immediately spot some gamecocks running around. (I don't think they're actually called gamecocks, but that's the mascot of the University of South Carolina, so hereafter that's what they will be called).

Then we boarded the carriage with about 7.000 other sweaty persons, two people on our four seat bench who took up more than 2/3 of the space, two mules named Dylan and Guthrie and a guide who must have been the president of the world's worst jokes club. Here are some of his comedic gems:

While telling us that we were using mules not horses and that mules are a cross between a horse and a donkey: "They give us a tax break for using hybrids."

When describing the seige on Fort Sumter and saying that a donkey was the only fatality: "Some people say that Yankee jackass got what he deserved."

When pointing out the marble stairs on some of the city's old houses: "You know what they say about marble; you can't take it for granite."

And when showing us that the main Episcopal steeple in the city leans slightly to the right after the Earthquake of 1885: "Everything in South Carolina leans slightly to the right."

Wan-wah.

I had many more pictures of the actually beautiful houses of Charleston, but my computer refuses to load them, probably because it's as disappointed as I was.

Immediately after we freed ourselves from the carriage and the tour and the memory of both, we filled up with gas and hit the road. The real highlight of the day came about 100 miles northwest of Charleston in West Columbia where we stopped for dinner right across the street from Joe Wilson's re-election headquarters. It was an unbelievably appropriate epilogue to a highly-anticipated day, as I have been told from many-a source that Charleston is a city worth seeing and South Carolina is a state with its own charm. In the spirit of Joe Wilson and as we drove into the South Carolina sunset and the North Carolina mountains, I really just wanted to scream: "You lie."

-Chadé

The competition:

I award myself a point for spotting the gamecocks.

I lose a point for suggesting the tour.

We also award two points to the girl on the left petting the miniature horse: